I feel as though my heart is on a Journey of being stretched for life. When I got to India I had a compassion and a love for the people I saw.. But I questioned, Is it possible to love anymore than I already did.... YES. I have cried many tears asking God for his heart for the people of India. Little did I know I was about to receive something so breathtaking. I have yet to see their faces in the natural but it burns so extreme in my heart I cry for love. It burns so strong nothing I do can take it away. I dream of them. I weep for them. My heart beats for them!!!! I imagine this is how a mother feels as she is carrying her baby in her womb. She's never seen her child but is so in love with her baby that it's overwhelming. My heart doesn't beat for me anymore, It doesn't beat for my WANTS it beats for something other than myself. I dont have to take on any responsibility that isnt mine.... I dont have to tell my heart to beat it just BEATS!
I can feel it as my heart has switched from the beat of an orphan to the beat of a son, the beat of a bride. I am just so in love with everything around me the smells have changed, the taste has changed, the look has changed. I don't look and see hopelessness, despair, or sadness. I see the father, I see Hope, I see the ground shifting, I see JOY! I don't hear the chants for 1 of the 330 MILLION Gods they blast on the speakers I hear a cry for the ONE TRUE ABBA FATHER! Do you hear it?
I'm not perfect nor will I ever claim I have it all together. Some mornings I wake up and want to scream, and I cry. I want to hug my family, I cried when I saw my cat on Skype, My baby cousin Ellie is growing up and Im not there to see, my little brother and sister ask for me to please come home. Im human, but I will not let these emotions define who I am and the decisions I make. Do I really want to live a life for me? I just cant... I've settled it in my heart. IF I never saw my family again, IF I missed every graduation, wedding, birth of a new baby, and never get married.... I WILL TRUST HIM!!!!! Why? Because he is good. He is so incredibly good. He is breathtaking. One look in his eyes and NOTHING else matters!
I was not created to live in a normal house, have a few cute children, and have a white picket fence. I was not created to be fenced in!!! Thank you God for protecting me! Thank you God that I am not married! Thank you God that I didn't get to adopt the one. Thank you God for people like Darrin and Sheila & Jeremiah & Teresa who are willing to lay down their life to see a generation rise up!!! I dont care what anyone says! Im so incredibly honored to be exactly where I am right now.
I dont want a pat on the back saying this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you and good luck! This isnt a trip and I come back to being the same person I was. Ive had dreams of being in front of all the senators and government officials and speaking to their spirits. Ive already seen the things changing! Ive been here a little over 2 weeks and I am so excited to see what the next couple months hold. I will be the drop that starts the ripple.
I can feel it as my heart has switched from the beat of an orphan to the beat of a son, the beat of a bride. I am just so in love with everything around me the smells have changed, the taste has changed, the look has changed. I don't look and see hopelessness, despair, or sadness. I see the father, I see Hope, I see the ground shifting, I see JOY! I don't hear the chants for 1 of the 330 MILLION Gods they blast on the speakers I hear a cry for the ONE TRUE ABBA FATHER! Do you hear it?
I'm not perfect nor will I ever claim I have it all together. Some mornings I wake up and want to scream, and I cry. I want to hug my family, I cried when I saw my cat on Skype, My baby cousin Ellie is growing up and Im not there to see, my little brother and sister ask for me to please come home. Im human, but I will not let these emotions define who I am and the decisions I make. Do I really want to live a life for me? I just cant... I've settled it in my heart. IF I never saw my family again, IF I missed every graduation, wedding, birth of a new baby, and never get married.... I WILL TRUST HIM!!!!! Why? Because he is good. He is so incredibly good. He is breathtaking. One look in his eyes and NOTHING else matters!
I was not created to live in a normal house, have a few cute children, and have a white picket fence. I was not created to be fenced in!!! Thank you God for protecting me! Thank you God that I am not married! Thank you God that I didn't get to adopt the one. Thank you God for people like Darrin and Sheila & Jeremiah & Teresa who are willing to lay down their life to see a generation rise up!!! I dont care what anyone says! Im so incredibly honored to be exactly where I am right now.
I dont want a pat on the back saying this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you and good luck! This isnt a trip and I come back to being the same person I was. Ive had dreams of being in front of all the senators and government officials and speaking to their spirits. Ive already seen the things changing! Ive been here a little over 2 weeks and I am so excited to see what the next couple months hold. I will be the drop that starts the ripple.
I <3...I said I was excited when you left because of what I saw God doing in your life, and it just gets better, not because you or I are so excited, but what I see happening for God and His beautiful Kingdom.....it is and always will be about Him!!! We are so blessed to be a small part and share it with Him and all the 'others' that He puts in our paths. You are blessed beyond words because you choose LIFE!! I love you Kenzie!
ReplyDeleteYour feeling what Jesus felt when He looked upon Jerusalem and wept. Compassion for the lost and hurting and hopeless. Keep that light burning bright.
ReplyDelete