It just Beats....

I feel as though my heart is on a Journey of being stretched for life. When I got to India I had a compassion and a love for the people I saw..  But I questioned, Is it possible to love anymore than I already did.... YES. I have cried many tears asking God for his heart for the people of India. Little did I know I was about to receive something so breathtaking. I have yet to see their faces in the natural but it burns so extreme in my heart I cry for love. It burns so strong nothing I do can take it away. I dream of them. I weep for them. My heart beats for them!!!! I imagine this is how a mother feels as she is carrying her baby in her womb. She's never seen her child but is so in love with her baby that it's overwhelming. My heart doesn't beat for me anymore, It doesn't beat for my WANTS it beats for something other than myself. I dont have to take on any responsibility that isnt mine.... I dont have to tell my heart to beat it just BEATS!

I can feel it as my heart has switched from the beat of an orphan to the beat of a son, the beat of a bride. I am just so in love with everything around me the smells have changed, the taste has changed, the look has changed. I don't look and see hopelessness, despair, or sadness. I see the father, I see Hope, I see the ground shifting, I see JOY! I don't hear the chants for 1 of the 330 MILLION Gods they blast on the speakers I hear a cry for the ONE TRUE ABBA FATHER! Do you hear it?

I'm not perfect nor will I ever claim I have it all together. Some mornings I wake up and want to scream, and I cry. I want to hug my family, I cried when I saw my cat on Skype, My baby cousin Ellie is growing up and Im not there to see, my little brother and sister ask for me to please come home.  Im human, but I will not let these emotions define who I am and the decisions I make. Do I really want to live a life for me? I just cant... I've settled it in my heart. IF I never saw my family again, IF I missed every graduation, wedding, birth of a new baby, and never get married.... I WILL TRUST HIM!!!!! Why? Because he is good. He is so incredibly good. He is breathtaking. One look in his eyes and NOTHING else matters!

I was not created to live in a normal house, have a few cute children, and have a white picket fence. I was not created to be fenced in!!! Thank you God for protecting me! Thank you God that I am not married! Thank you God that I didn't get to adopt the one. Thank you God for people like Darrin and Sheila & Jeremiah & Teresa who are willing to lay down their life to see a generation rise up!!! I dont care what anyone says! Im so incredibly honored to be exactly where I am right now.

I dont want a pat on the back saying this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you and good luck! This isnt a trip and I come back to being the same person I was. Ive had dreams of being in front of all the senators and government officials and speaking to their spirits. Ive already seen the things changing! Ive been here a little over 2 weeks and I am so excited to see what the next couple months hold. I will be the drop that starts the ripple. 

Come Away.... Come Away.....

As I tried to get ready Friday I kept hearing Him say come away with me. I turned on some music tried to stay where I was and still have the intimacy he was wanting to give to me. Wasn't working... So I kept hearing.... Come away with me... Come away with me... You know that warm giggle you feel when your being sought after to have time just you and your love... It's a feeling words cant express. Finally I went away (to the top of the Terrace) with him. It was a time of just me and him no words, no songs, nothing but just being in each others presence. I have this feeling that no one else gets this but me, with him, I have this feeling I am his favorite.

In moments like this its when I see his heart and mine beating at the same time. I don't worry about the past, I don't worry about the present, and I don't worry about the future. The only thing I see is his eyes. Is it possible to be lost in his eyes... Is it possible that I'm in a foreign country away from everything I know and I feel more at peace than ever. Here on this terrace is where he reviles himself to me. Here on this terrace is where we become one. 

Now to the crazy things of India.... Did you know their food is way different than ours.. Well me & Moriah have realized how much we love food! We went to eat at a restaurant last night in Vizag and we were sooooo excited that it taste like American food we both over ate. Im talking entire pizza, chicken burger, fries, and then chocolate cake with fudge and ice cream on top! Hello AWESOME! Did I also mention how earlier in the day there were snickers, chips, and oreos.... I love India, but I love American food!!!

Abandoning Myself to Love

India, well I came thinking I was prepared. But how can you really prepare for this....

The first few days here were really rough. I really thought I didnt have any mindset on how things would be or anything like that. But i did... It caused a lot of heartache a lot of What the Heck am I doing?? I want to go home. My body was literally rejecting the food, water and everything because of my thoughts. Being in India pulls on everything in you that you havent let die. Sooo.... I had to go through some SOZO (liberty road) Thanks to Mother Teresa... I have never really been away from my family for any long amount of time, so it was hard to let go and let Papa God have it all. Talk about Trust.

My heart has literally been broke. The things you see are almost numbing your mind cannot comprehend. Its really like it can not be real.... Friday night as we were in our 16 hour bus ride we starting seeing the children and adults laying on the streets, on the cement.. And people including us just had to drive by. You don't see that in Atoka.... My life has been incredibly changed and I haven't even been here a week. We haven't even been to the roughest parts yet. Pastor James was telling us tonight how in villages if they cannot take care of their children they kill them. Not to long ago a man not very far away killed his 11 month old little girl because he couldnt take care of her. You realize how they think. They really believe it is a good thing to do that. They would rather them die than have to suffer. Breaks my heart to think they believe its their only option.

So here we are at A2L willing to say, whatever you want from us. We are creating an atmosphere to let God be God. Completely abandoning ourselves to the love of our life. I don't have to pick up the pressure of saving every child in India, as long as I am face to face with my Love everything else just falls into place. If you want to stand lets stand. If you want to run lets run. If you want to dance lets dance. I want to be completely vulnerable to him.

Isn't he wonderful.... Yesterday when resting listening to Graham Cooke I had an encounter that changed my way of thinking.

I was standing in a field in India with my hands held high, out of my hands and mouth and body came this white smoke like incense it overtook my body and then starting feeling the air all the way to the clouds. My face was pointed towards the sky as i noticed an angel above me threw a large Diamond down at me. It hit the right side of my chin and i heard the thump. I quickly sat up because I had felt it so heavily hit me I knew the diamond must be in bed with me.

Having to laugh at myself realizing hello...... I dont have to DO anything, I just have to release who I am...

#I am Branded