I'm Not Normal...

I have recently realized how not normal I am. I cannot be a normal person. I cannot marry a normal man. I cannot raise a few normal children, I cannot live for myself. Why? Because God has called me for something bigger.... I just had one of the most frustrating few minutes of my life. As I am laying on the kitchen floor *in the pile of trash I had swept* crying, saying God I don't understand. God I am mad. God I don't get it. God this is not supposed to happen. God this is NOT NORMAL. I just heard him say so sweetly "I am not asking you to understand, I am not asking for you to get it, I didn't mold you to be normal or to be put in normal situations" I realized right then I could yield and just trust or I could just stay in the trash on the floor with all my pity. So I sat up and I started worshiping LOUD, so my mind could hear it. Loud enough that it shifts my thinking. Loud enough it shifts my atmosphere.

All in just a one day so many things happened, but I remained peaceful. Me and Jozey had a talk a while back and said that we don't want the prophetic words, we don't want the offers, unless we already know what is said and its just a confirmation. And thats exactly what happened. I had a dream when we first got here and it all came about, word for word. So when I said YES to the question, there was no confusion, no fear, no hesitation because he had already told me. So within 3 seconds I responded with a yes. *there was a moment I went um…. WHAT….. after I said it* But my spirit LEAPED. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I couldn't hardly contain what I felt. I felt such a spirit of peace but wanted to run around the room screaming with joy. 

So I don't have a clue what my life holds, I don't have a clue of what I am doing. I really have NO IDEA….. My life could change in a matter seconds. My life could change in one phone call. But God already knows and I so.. trust him,  I am totally ok with that. . Choosing to live "not my will, but yours"  If I have to swim upstream I will. If I have to go against the system I will. Because I am all in. For so many years I have stood on the shore and put my feet in or I would go to my waste and then when a wave came I would run from it. That's not me anymore. Im so far in I cant see the shore.

Now I am just waiting. Waiting to see what is next. I couldn't be in more peace, I couldn't be more in love with the creator of the universe. I could not be happier in this moment. Not knowing can be so great. Trusting and Yielding. Who knew it could be so awesome? So..... I am somewhere in India making decisions I thought would happen when I am older, and just simply dreaming with God. 

i will not live for myself...

i will die to see a generation live...

Not my will but Yours...

Just Simply Be With Me

Whew... It is bedtime here at A2L. We got 4 new children at Breakfast this morning and 7 more this evening! You just never know what will happen here, it is such an awesome atmosphere to live in. Everyday is a brand new day full of surprises...It is like Christmas and a Birthday Party everyday!!!  Daddy God is just so amazing. Seeing the children change the minute they walk through the gates, is breathtaking. No orphans here.

The June Interns are here. We haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with them due to their jet lag and time change. Still so wonderful to see their faces and see them yielding. When they first pulled up it was forget the make-up that we had put on and tears started flowing. I am not the slightest bit home sick but something about seeing the people you love, brings tears of Joy!

For the few that have been keeping up with my cravings.... At this moment it is a SONIC drink with LOTS of Ice....
Great News-- I now officially LOVE the food in India. Nothing better than some white rice and samba! For everyone who said I will come back super skinny, not happening with all the rice. :) AND..... My wonderful mom packed me a little goodie bag and sent it with the inters that came! I have never been so excited to see Gum, Jerky, and Sunflower seeds!!!! (I really have the best mom ever)

So I checked out the branded site and saw that it is only 27 days until the Branded July Group comes! SO crazy! I feel kind of like it was just a few days ago that I left but after looking at the Calendar I realized we have been gone 6 weeks Tomorrow!!! Wow how time flies! I am so looking forward to seeing the Branded people!


God has been doing some crazy things in my life. I read a book The Yielding of Grace by Derek Prince. If you haven't read it, I HIGHLY recommend it. In it, it talks about what does it really mean to be like Jesus..... Jesus didn't come to just preform Miracles. His purpose was to DIE for others to LIVE. Talk about Love! Miracles just came about because he listened to the father, they were just an overflow! If we are here to live like Jesus where did this get all messed up? Why are we only seeking fame in miracles. We are here on this earth to give our life for others to live. That's the MAIN PURPOSE. Everything else is just an overflow!! I think in the "church" we have some glory seekers and not Love driven people.  If my agenda is Love, I cannot fail. If I only do what my father does then I cannot fail. He doesn't let me fail....

The past week or so has been a decision week. What is God saying to do with my life? Stay here? Go Home? I thought I had made my decision? I thought I had it all worked out? God was just after my yielding. I have had Offers to do certain things that are right up my ally but in the end I want God to direct every step. So I take a step, while holding his hand just like a child and choose to yield and listen and walk with him. If your holding your earthly dads hand and walking you don't have to question where you're going he just leads me and I just walk. I don't have to figure anything out, I just rest in the fact I am holding my daddies hand. So that is what I am doing. No Plans, No Agendas, Just being led by him, and that is where 100% pure peace is.

For those of you who know me, know how much God speaks to me in music. The song that I have been playing over and over is off the sound track "where you go, ill go" Its called A little longer Live Version from Bethel. The first 2 min are about what can I do for you God because I am so thankful and the last 3 min are saying you don't have to do a thing just simply be with me, Just wait because this moment is to sweet, just love on me a little longer, let it all go because it doesn't really matter. I have heard it before but until I really understood what he was saying it didn't have the impact it does now....
Learning how to be with Him with so many kids running around and balls flying and bikes racing and dodging frisbees has been amazing. I don't have to stop and pretend like it is not happening I can spend time with God while playing catch and getting run over by bikes Or while picking lice out of a little girls hair, Or bathing the 6 kids in our room *which is pure chaos* and I cannot help but Love it all!! Tonight when I put the 3 new boys to bed after their bath their faces lit up when I let them get the little toy cars and little men Gabe sent and put them in bed with them. These big boys were giggling like little school girls and I couldn't help but catch the laugh it was so contagious! In that moment I realized those boys didn't do anything except be who they were and there is no way I could have loved them anymore.

So lately my life has been extremely busy and crazy but I wouldn't trade it with ANYONES! I am so blessed! Some of my decisions have been made, some not yet. Some I am letting out some I am not, just yet. I am so thankful for each and every one of you who have been praying for us and who will continue to pray for us! I love you all.